If you are a woman especially in a country which is grounded in hypocritical morals, your life won’t be easy. Every now and then you will be slapped with a reminder that you aren’t a boy. That you are a girl who is expected to behave in a certain way. These expectations evolve and transform through the stages of your life, the background that you are born and raised in, the profession you pick and the partner you choose to marry. Expectations thrown at you and the judgements you are bashed with, transition, but never cease.
A little girl who is merely 5 years of age, is subtly taught the difference between a boy and a girl. She is gradually molded into a person who fears this difference. From “good girls shouldn’t play with boys” to “you should learn sit properly”, from the very start of their lives, girls are systematically shown that they belong to the ‘weaker’ section of the community. My question is, how many boys are brought up with similar ideologies? How many boys are told that the good ones shouldn’t play with girls or that they should learn to sit and stand the right way? It broke my heart, threw me in a state of mental brawl when I overheard a conversation of some guests that we hosted for dinner, a few days ago. While speaking about children in our society who majorly fall in the age group 10-15, the couple began commenting on a 14-year-old girl. “She always has a phone in her hand and strolls exactly where the boys are playing cricket. She dresses up as if she is going to a party and has been seen laughing with some of the boys on various occasions. We wonder if the parents even care that their girl is so “CHARACTERLESS”. We have strictly asked our daughters to not befriend her as we are certain she would prove to be a bad influence.”
It genuinely left me shattered to come to terms with the fact that a 14-year-old girl can be labelled to be characterless for giggling around boys who were either of her age or probably even younger than her. This is the society we live in. So, if you think that the society has moved away from discriminating between genders and has equaled girls to boys, you are mistaken. Like I said, if you are a girl, irrespective of your urban or rural belongingness, you will be reminded of your gender every instance of your life. Nobody bothers to respect your privacy, especially when you are a woman.
The worst is revealed when families are complicit in this hateful bias. It is disappointing when a father himself starts fearing the perspectives of society. Indeed, appalling when the way a girl’s life is nurtured based on what people will say or think.
The discrimination flows into every aspect of a woman’s life, so much so, that one article won’t be able to contain the innumerable instances. It only leads me to wonder what would it be like when the response to these discriminatory actions changes? What would it be like when those who talk about a woman or the way she lives her life, aren’t paid heed to? What would it be like if the fathers held their heads high over the individuality and choices of their daughters? I believe that shifting the dynamics of responses towards sexism and misogyny will restrict their impact. While women are fiercely powerful to fight their own battles and give a befitting reply to those who pull them down, if parents stop playing the ‘fear and escape’ games with the society, their girls will be further empowered. A “We know what she does, and we are proud of her.” from parents will go a long way in stitching loose mouths.
It is for parents to also remember that nobody makes them answerable to the people who have nothing to do with their lives except for commenting. What is needed is some faith in thenvalues that you have raised your children with, and nobody has the right to make you doubt them. It is your world and her world within it, it is your life and her life around yours, it is your happiness and her happiness, only. Not theirs. Don’t allow them to make you or your daughter live on their terms and most importantly, don’t let them come in between yours or daughter’s happiness. Remember, everybody, everybody finds a way to live their lives with their choices. The only difference is, some have the courage to walk out in the open, fearlessly, and do what they truly want without worrying about the world, while the others, hide away from the public eye and live a dual life where they lie, betray and do everything ‘immoral’ to only steal their moments of joy and then get back to their regular business of passing judgements.
